Thinking of coming out to my dad

Hello everyone, I’m 19 year old male, and a freshman at a university. Up until the beginning of this year, I assumed I was straight and was into girls because that’s what I was supposed to like, as I’ve been taught. But I always noticed that I wasn’t really all that into girls. Other that a few crushes and dates I overall just didn’t find girls attractive. It perplexed me, and it perplexed my father too. He noticed that I never talked about girls, never noticed them, barely dated at all. Throughout my teen years he would test me, by pausing a movie when a conventionally attractive actress was on the screen, and asking me if I thought they were pretty or attractive. I could barely give him anything more than a “I guess?” because honestly I didn’t find them attractive and I didn’t want to seem weird.

My father sometimes was angered, believing that I was afraid of girls or too afraid to admit I like one. He kept pushing me to ask out girls in my clubs, despite me not wanting to he assumed it was what I really wanted but hid deep inside because of fear or politeness. Occasionally he’d even ask if I was gay, to which I would always say no since I hadn’t started seriously entertaining the thought. Despite voicing his disagreement with homosexuality he always made it clear to me that if I was gay he wouldn’t care and he would still love me no matter what. He showed me a music video where in the video a boy grows up hiding his sexuality and finally comes out at the end, and his parents keep telling him every verse that they love him no matter what.

Looking back, perhaps he was expecting me to come out then, but I hadn’t entertained the notion yet and still thought I was straight since I hadn’t felt anything for a boy yet. Anyway fast forward to now and I’ve mostly accepted at this point that I like guys. I don’t know if I like girls and guys, or just guys, but I’ve liked guys this year and I want a boyfriend, not a girlfriend.

Back in March I came out to my mom on the phone after I failed a test, and her reaction hurt me. She didn’t hate me, but she said many things that still haunt me. Since she appears to have wanted to understand it more, but I don’t feel comfortable talking to her about it.

Anyway I can’t hold this secret in forever. I’ve been wanting to tell him for a while, but I am scared of how he’ll react or what he’ll think of me. However recently I got a good sign. As we walked down a mall, a lady walked by with her dog. Instead of noticing this youthful woman, I completely ignored her in favor of her adorable puppy, as I love dogs. My father thought this odd at first, and asked me why I didn’t notice the woman. I was scared he would accuse me of being afraid of women again, but this time he said something that surprised me. He said it was a good thing I didn’t notice people for their looks, he said it means that when I find love it will be pure. He even said it’s pretty cool I’m this way. Me and my father have a really good relationship, him and I talk to each other almost everyday, but I want to be honest with him. I want him to know who I am. I don’t know what exactly to call myself. But I want to tell him I like guys. I don’t know when I should do this, or even if I should. But I’ve been wanting to, needing to do this since March. If anyone has any advice regarding this, I’d love to hear.

Back to blog